BrockLi Soup

I don’t really have an opinion of McDonald’s one way or the other, but I’ll probably start eating there more now that the American Family Association doesn’t like them.

Erin likes Heinz ketchup, not Hunt’s. I have never been able to keep this straight because I grew up on a 15-house dead-end street, two doors down from Mr. Hunt and across the street from Mr. Heinz.

How do I remember which one to buy? Mr. Heinz used to go for long walks all the time, and Mr. Hunt was a woodworker. Erin likes to take walks; woodworking, not so much. So, I buy Heinz.

Has anyone else ever noticed that Coke bottles are sort of curved like a sexy lady, and Pepsi bottles are kind of phallic?

Just for the record, I’m a Coke man.

As you may recall (you better, dammit!), I tried my hand at some cooking a few weeks ago. I’d like to report that, like Arther Dent with the Perfectly Normal Beast, I’ve learned the importance of bread in a sandwich. For years, I was a bleached-white kind of guy, sticking to my Wonder Bread when it was available. More recently, I’ve discovered potato bread, a more solid, moist, and tasteful bread.

Yesterday when I went shopping, I entered the bread aisle with reckoning. I knew that there was a sandwich to be made, a sandwich of no small magnitude. I knew that the bread to support said sandwich would need to be firm and thick, and possess a light, sweet, nutty taste that wouldn’t overpower the chicken salad it was intended to support.

I pretty much grabbed the first thing I saw (with reckoning!) and it turned out to be the most perfect bread I’ve ever tasted. I left it at work, so I can’t tell you what it was, but I remember that the brand was Roman something (complete with a manly looking soldier), and it was some kind of honey nut berry or something. I made the chicken salad without eggs this time (mostly because I forgot) and added some chopped celery. It was absolutely perfect, but I should have piled more of it on; there wasn’t quite enough of it to fully eke out the bread taste.

Either way, I don’t think I’ll be buying potato again any time soon, and I’m certainly not going back to white. There’s a new bread in town, and it’s so manly that it’s got a damn soldier on it.

1. Hot dogs cook a hell of a lot faster in an over broiler than in a Foreman grill.
2. My smoke detector works.
3. I don’t own a fire extinguisher.

Dear Internet,

Today I decided to make chicken salad for lunch. I learned the following lessons:

1. Less egg.
2. More mayo.
3. Chop the chicken smaller.
4. Chicken salad tastes better cold.
5. Sourdough was obviously the best choice for that sandwich.

In the process, I had to learn how to hard-boil an egg, which was touch and go for a little while there, but it all worked out.