BrockLi Soup

You may remember that I’ve been reading What’s So Great About Christianity with the intent of writing a rebuttal. Well, I finished it last week, and I’ll post it as soon as I find some time to write a post about it.

In the meantime, I’d like to direct you to The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007. I don’t agree with all of them, but they have the same opinion of Dinesh that I do:

29. Dinesh D’Souza

Charges: Wrote a book blaming 9/11 on — who else? — liberals, because if we didn’t live in a free society, then fundamentalists wouldn’t dislike us so. Even conservative nuts blasted D’Souza’s empathy for poor al Qaeda. Lately, he’s been engaging prominent atheists in debates, revealing himself to be a pseudointellectual ass, and then declaring victory. D’Souza’s master plan for attacking atheism is the ridiculous Pascal’s wager: Atheists could be wrong, and then they’d go to hell, but if the religious are wrong, then they suffer no ill effect — aside from living their lives in delusion, of course. And possibly going to someone else’s hell for believing the wrong religion. D’Souza seems to think that if he speaks more loudly and rapidly than his opponent, he is winning, but his arguments are weak and idiotic, and he never even attempts to truly debate the existence of any god, which is the ostensible point of these debates. Instead, he likes to compare body counts — Stalin and Mao killed more than the religious leaders of their time — rather than actually debate whether there is a God, or for that matter a Jesus. This, of course, is because there is no case to be made.

Exhibit A: “[Atheists] are God-haters… I don’t believe in unicorns, but then I haven’t written any books called The End of Unicorns, Unicorns are Not Great, or The Unicorn Delusion.” But what if everyone you met did believe in unicorns, and not only that, but worshiped a unicorn, held a book about unicorns to be the divine truth of the universe, invoked unicorns in political contexts, and speechified about how non-believers were indecent people waging a war on morality, which could only be predicated on the unquestioning belief in unicorns? Then, maybe, D’Souza would think about writing that book. But of course, that’s not really true, because if that was the world we lived in, then Dinesh D’Souza would believe in unicorns.

Sentence: Spanish inquisition.

And unrelated, but also amusing:

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

I’m trying to decide how I’d like to be remembered, in the event that I become an emperor or king. Thoughts?

• Brock The Great
• Brock The Charming
• Brock The Wise
• Brock The Dashingly Handsome
• Brock The Uncle That’s Not Actually Related To Us
• Jesus

Y’know that ringing in your ears? That ‘eeeeeeeeee’? That’s the sound of the ear cells dying, like their swan song. Once it’s gone you’ll never hear that frequency again. Enjoy it while it lasts. – Julian Taylor, Children of Men

Anyone know if this is true?

Allow me to shill for a moment, won’t you please?

When I moved into my new place a few weeks ago, I spent about a week looking all over for those plastic 3M hooks with the adhesive strips that come off cleanly. At my old place, I had three or four of them on the sides of my desk for keys, my headphones, that kind of stuff, and since I got rid of the desk, I wanted to put a couple inside my bedroom door for the same kind of stuff. For whatever reason, I couldn’t find them anywhere I looked.

I had literally spent a week looking for them when I was in Linens ‘n Things to get that basic apartment stuff that I don’t bother moving (bathroom trashcan, toothbrush cup, etc - all in manly colors) when I came across these Hercules Hooks (WARNING: loud video auto-plays). I had seen the obnoxious commercials before, as I’m sure many of you have, and I thought it was a load of crap. But, I hadn’t found my 3M hooks anywhere, and a few more days of willy-nilly key-tossing would probably mean lost keys, so I paid $15 for a 20-pack with a cheap laser level.

Best $15 I’ve ever spent for home improvement, hands down. These things really ARE as easy as that guy makes them look! I used them to hang up a whiteboard, some framed pictures, keys, my sunglasses, and put four more above the table I use for my laptop to keep my power and USB cables and iPod headphones handy. My only complaint is that hole definitely isn’t “pin-sized”, but no bigger than the whole from a nail you’d use to hang photos.

I don’t have a good reason for posting this. I figure, we’re always willing to complain when we buy crappy products, so I’ll send a little karma and recommend something that worked out better than I expected. They’re definitely worth the money, AND I can pull them out to re-use them when I move. It’s those little things that bring joy to my day.

Dear NBC,

Thank God You’re Here would be about twelve times funnier if you got rid of the host and the judge - who, incidentally, are far more irritating than entertaining - and gave the time to the four guest stars, who are usually hilarious. The final sketch, with all four of them, is the funniest part, and every time that Canadian dude hits the buzzer, I just want to drop a deuce on the floor of his green room.

Hearts, Brock

So, how much was in the bucket?

Honestly, friends, I’m a little disappointed in some of you. Most of you guys were WAY off, and granted, you only had a picture to guess from and couldn’t actually lift the bucket, but I gave you measurements and everything! I think Pete’s was the most reasoned response, with the coins per square inch calculations, but he was still 25% off.

The value of the bucket was $101.43, making Katie the winner with a guess of $100. Katie, you may collect your hug at any time (oh by the way, I decided that instead of giving away the money, I’d use some of it to get some Chinese and see a movie. They were delicious and entertaining, in that order).

Jonson and Heewa, I suppose you may also collect hugs, but mostly just because I like hugs. No anal.

I’ve been tossing all my change into this 2-gallon bucket for the past year and a half, give or take. Once in a while, I’d pull out a few quarters to get a soda from the machine, but since our laundry room doesn’t use coins, it hadn’t been pillaged for quarters.

The bucket is 9.5 inches across, and the coins were about 1.25 inches deep. According to Google, that’s about 88 cubic inches of coins.

I took it down to the bank today and poured it all in their machine. Care to guess how much it was? Whoever is closest wins it all. Or maybe a hug, I haven’t decided yet. I’ll post the winner tomorrow or Monday.

Also, figure out where this penny came from, and you can have that too. Here’s the Queen’s backside (teehee).

I’m not very good with number association. When I was about nine, I decided that 27 would be my favorite number. It was another six or seven years before I realized that it’s (conveniently!) the date of my birthday, too. And I totally picked it by chance! Really!

And just now, I realized that the house I grew up in was number 42, which may only be significant to Douglas Adams fans, but the rest of you will hear about it in due time.

Dear Black Donnellys,

I like you, I really do. We had some good times together, but…well, there’s someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Irish-Sopranos idea, but there’s just something about a cross-dressing Englishman.

I’m leaving you for The Riches.

I know, I know, Izzard wears pants and a goatee, but still, can I deny my love? And Minnie Driver! And the chick that plays the daughter! How can I say no, Black Donnellys? Sure, I could watch you both, but who has that kind of time on Monday nights?

If it’s any consolation, I’ll be keeping an eye on the lovely Olivia Wilde. The episode where Jon Tucker takes off his shirt was a doozie, but he’s no Olivia.

I hope that things go well for you, Black Donnellys. Perhaps we can even share time together again someday, once these wounds have healed and you’re out on DVD. But for now, I feel it’s best that we part ways.

Goodbye, Black Donnellys.

Dear Jenna Fischer,

I thought I loved Pam Beasley, the shy girl with the cute smile, but then I saw Blades of Glory, and Katie Van Whatever was JUST LIKE Pam, so I think I love you. Wanna run away to California with me? Let me know.

Hearts, Brock

I’ve seen one full episode, and half of tonight’s show, and I still don’t understand how a show with guest stars like Will Ferrel and Dax Shepard can be so awful. I give up.

Was anyone else completely unaware that rasslin’ can give you herpes?

I just noticed that my toothpaste top can flip up OR twist off (it even has printed instructions) (actually, that’s the only reason I noticed). Why didn’t they think of that sooner? (And why do I feel like I should have a preference?)

Also: I almost forgot about it, but as of last Thursday, I’ve been doing this thing for two years.

For all the advertising Comedy Central has been throwing at The Naked Trucker and T-Bones, I kinda figured it would be funny.

When I was about fourteen, I got my hands on my grandfather’s old Nikon SLR. I can only assume that my dad had it for years (grandpa died when I was a baby), but I’m really not sure how I wound up with it.

The batteries had long since died by the time I got it. It took two watch batteries, which we didn’t have lying around, so I had some time to read through the manual before I finally got batteries and could actually play with it. It was a lot to try to wrap my head around, with no experience beyond a cheap Kodak 35MM, but I understood the basics and shot a few rolls of film.

I’ve still got some “artsy” shots I did - they’re laughably inane in retrospect, but at fourteen I thought it was the coolest shit ever. More importantly, every shot came out looking better than any other picture I - or anyone I knew - had even taken. All I had seen was blurry, under-lit, off-color shots from regular point-and-shoot cameras, so getting that first roll of film back was like seeing color for the first time. The focus! The colors! The detail! I had never imagined that regular people could produce pictures that looked like a professional took them.

Granted, they didn’t look like a professional took them, and a lot of them were out of focus, but the difference was incredible. I only shot a few rolls on that camera - when you’re only source of income is mowing the neighbor’s lawn, photo development will put a significant dent in your budget, so I put it on a shelf and forgot about it. A few years ago, my brother took the camera and used it for a photo class, and as far as I know he’s still got it. I don’t think he’s used it since, so I could probably get it back from him - thing is, development hasn’t gotten any cheaper.

My dad also had an SLR camera - an old Sears model - that he used once in a while when we were kids. I can’t even remember him taking any pictures; I just remember the tan camera bag that always sat high up on a shelf in our front closet. Last fall, I borrowed it from him for a couple weeks. It had been stored in the garage for several years, so the body was a little moldy, the fibers around the mirror were all dry-rotted, and if I looked closely, I could see tiny spiderweb patterns in the lenses (Mold? Moisture?). I shot a few rolls, a half-dozen shots actually came out, and they all looked like crap.

I mention all of this because the photo bug has been biting lately. I initially borrowed my dad’s camera because, thanks to Flickr, I was seeing more and more really nice photos and I wanted to try my hand at it again. In the past couple months, four friends have gotten digital SLRs - a Nikon D70s, a D80, a Canon Rebel XT and an XTi. They keep coming down in price (as these things will), and Nikon has a whole spread of options (D40, D50, D70, D70s, D80) so they’ve been looking more and more tempting. Granted, I can’t afford a $600 toy right now, but I can think about them without crying about my bank balance.

BP brought his Rebel XTi with him this weekend and let me play with it more than he probably should have. I’ve posted a bunch of pictures from the weekend, including some he shot. I always thought that the auto-focus lens was sort of a cop-out, but you can take nice photos really easily with it and still flip over to manual focus when you want more control. It was convenient in the bar, when we were just taking a bunch of quick shots of people, but also easy to get a little more particular about things.

Now that I’ve actually had the chance to play with a digital SLR for a bit, I want one more than ever. It’s still on the Wishlist of Shit I Won’t Be Able To Afford Until I Finish Paying For College or Maybe Win The Lottery, but sooner or later, I’ll be able to get one.