It’s weird. I haven’t even touched a cigarette in five full months, and most of the time I don’t even think about them. Every now and then, though, I still get the overwhelming urge to have a smoke, even after five months.
Why did a second guy ever start smoking?
“Here, put this in your mouth. Set it on fire and suck on it.”
It’s obviously a stupid thing to do. When there’s a structure fire, people are hospitalized for smoke inhalation. If there’s ever a fire, I should be able to save everyone in the building before my nic fits subside.
Every time I smoke, I realize how ridiculous it is. Inhale smoke - by it’s very nature, it’s a bad idea. And yet, we keep doing it. Thanks to the tobacco companies, we have nicotine, and we become addicted. I’m not saying that we’re not to blame, but they’re not helping any.
Every month or so, I say I’m going to quit. Every fall and winter, I promise to quit so I can play hockey. And every game, I curse myself for giving up, because I still can’t breathe.
Will I ever really quit? I hope so, but I seem to be a spineless candy ass.
“Will, the pneumonia patient - I got him to quit smoking.” “Forever? No ‘last one’? ‘Cause the last ones are better than sex. Trust me, I’ve had about a thousand of them.”
I don’t know why I ever smoked a second cigarette; hell, I don’t know why anyone does. Your first smoke tastes like burning dirt, it makes you smell bad, and you cough violently through the entire experience. So why does anyone ever try a second one?
Part of the reason I started was (ironically) the smell. I loved the smell of my dad’s cheap cigarettes on a cold winter morning. I always liked the smell of his pipe when he smoked it, but cigarettes only smelled good on cold mornings. By the time he quit smoking, I was 16 and had started in on it myself.
I’ve only recently discovered that smoking is an acquired taste - for me, anyway. I learned early on that beer is an acquired taste (my older cousins have taught me more than I’ll ever realize), and cigars are a taste I never cared to acquire. Similarly, you start to enjoy the taste of cigarettes after a while. But, like all things we enjoy, you start to take it for granted sooner or later. I usually smoke 3 or 4 cigarettes a day, aside from a pack-a-day stint I did for a week last fall (this is obviously not the recommended serving size). Last week sometime, I was out of money and on my way home from work sometime around midnight. As I smoked my last Camel, I realized how wonderful it tasted. Knowing that it was the last of the pack and I didn’t have money for more made it all the better. Unfortunately, I managed to get another pack shortly after. Fortunately, I got to savor that last cigarette again, twenty smokes later.
I think it’s time for another break from smoking. I’m not going to say I’m quitting, because we all know that never works out. For the time being, though, I’m done. I should have stopped months ago, before hockey ended - I could have been twice as good if my bursts of speed weren’t stopped short by the inability to breathe. Now, the months of accumulated smoke since the last time I “quit” are taking their toll, and I find myself again battling the unending sore throat. It’s time for a break, and if I can hold out long enough, maybe I can kick it for good.
And if not, I’ll get to enjoy that last cigarette again some other time.
