BrockLi Soup

Last Friday, I stopped at the jeweler on my way home from work to pick up Erin’s just-resized engagement ring. When I got back to our building, I had a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. A guy about my age got in the elevator with me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see him looking me up and down.

He said, “Looks like you’re going to make somebody happy tonight.”

“You don’t know the half of it - the ring’s in this pocket,” I replied, pointing to the bulge in my pants pocket.

“Are you serious?! Well, go get ‘em buddy!”

And I did go get ‘em. I thought it was pretty funny, and I finally remembered to tell Erin about it tonight.

Sometime around my third year of college, I saw As Good As It Gets, and it got me thinking - what if this IS as good as it gets? At that point, my freshman year of college had been the best year of my life and things only seemed to be going downhill from there. I started to wonder if life would never be as exciting as it had been then.

Then, during the roughest time at work last July, Gogol Bordello released Super Taranta and I spent weeks singing along to Ultimate:

There was never any good old days
They are today, they are tomorrow
It’s a stupid thing we say
Cursing tomorrow with sorrow

The good news is that the good old days ARE today (well, and tomorrow). I met Erin about the time that album came out, and life with her is better than I ever thought it could be - and we got engaged last week, if you hadn’t heard. We’re looking at places for the wedding for next September, and I couldn’t be happier. No one likes a mushy blog post, but ya know what? Life is good.

From Ftrain.com:

“So what is? Most beautiful?” “I’ve been told repeatedly,” I said, “that it’s a distended vagina with a bloody baby head emerging. I have my doubts.”

The rest is more eloquent and touching, I promise. Link (stolen from Weez)

It’s Wednesday night, and I finally have enough energy to talk about the weekend. Erin and I moved in together, which has been great, and my company moved to a new office. As far as I’m concerned, I did three moves this weekend: me, Erin, and my company. For those of you I haven’t spoken to lately, Erin and I managed to get a one-bedroom in my building. It’s in a great location, pretty cheap, and in good condition, so we were hoping to stay here. The place we got was at a reduced price, since not a lot of people are moving this time of year, and it had just been re-done with new carpet and appliances. Really, it worked out pretty well.

So, the quick and dirty:

Spent the week packing up our office. Erin and I signed our lease and got keys Thursday night.

Friday, we moved to the new office, and then I went home and moved most of my crap up to the new place while Erin packed up her stuff.

Saturday, I woke up early and went in to the new office to unpack with the rest of the company. Went straight to U-Haul after that to get a truck, then went to Erin’s to load up (which only took half an hour, with Schmitty and Aubri helping).

Sunday morning, Erin and I unloaded all her stuff in less than hour (I was pretty proud of us). We spent part of the day unpacking, had ourselves a nap, then had my company holiday dinner, which was awesome.

Monday was the first day at the office. Finished most of the unpacking there and at home.

Erin and I are pretty much settled. We’re getting real furniture sometime in January, which kind of sucks because we’ve just got patio furniture in front of the TV right now. Without actual furniture and everything moved in, I just feel kind of unsettled.

We’re pretty much moved into the new office too. It’s a lot bigger than the old place, which keeps surprising me because there was so little space to move around in the old office. I keep being surprised that I don’t have to goose step my way around road cases, boxes, and desks that were strewn about.

Also, I’m STILL looking for someone to move into my old place and replace me on the lease. We’ve been meeting people for like three weeks. My old roommate offered the room to about a half dozen people. Three of them accepted, only to back out on us. It’s getting pretty frustrating. If you know anyone looking for a place in DC, you be sure to let me know, because I don’t want to pay an extra $900 at the beginning of January.

I had a rough weekend and a shitty morning. My “just make it to January” mantra seems too much like the ones I had earlier this year, and that worries me, because that turned into “just make it though six or eight months.” But, seriously this time, I think everything will be OK if I can just get through two moves and Christmas.

I feel like I’ve been a few paces behind for the past five months. I’m behind on the magazines stacked on my headboard, behind on the thousands of news items in my RSS reader, behind on the dozens of posts I have wanted to write here, behind on keeping up with friends both out of town and in, behind on e-mails that have sat in my inbox for months awaiting response. About the only thing I’ve managed to keep up on is paying the bills, and sometimes just barely.

I realized that I’ve been in my “new” apartment for a couple weeks shy of six months now. I look back on things that happened, conversations I had, and can’t believe how long ago they took place. The past five months were a frenzied blur; I was so busy with work, and then so occuppied with a new relationship, that everything else was just put on hold. For a while there, BP was coming down to visit practically every month; I don’t think I’ve seen him since I drove up to Buffalo for Bill’s wedding back in June. And speaking of Bill, I don’t think I’ve even spoken to him since I called a month after the wedding to ask about married life. Too many things took a back burner for too long, and I regret that.

Everything was pushed aside because of a major project at work - the biggest I’ve ever been involved in - that dominated my time and caused me unbelievable stress for a few months there. Sometime around late August, it calmed down a little bit, but was still a challenge. About the same time, I started spending a lot of time with Erin, so that contributed to it. That part, I certainly don’t regret; I mention it because it was easy for our relationship to fill what little room had been given up by work, and the cycle continued.

The project that caused so much distress ended November 1, and things were supposed to be smooth sailing after that. Erin and I spent the first week of the month in the San Francisco Bay area on vacation, which was fantastic, and then I attended the DC-PHP conference and spent a weekend visiting Erin’s sister in Raleigh. When I finally got back to the office, November was nearly halfway over and things were still a little hectic. I spent so long looking forward to the end of that project that I almost expected that everything would be cupcakes and puppies once it was over. I mean, there’s obviously still work to be done, but I really thought we’d be able to have some down time for a month or two to recover from the six months we had spent busting ass, but no such luck - yet.

At any rate, I feel like I need a few weeks off from everything to recuperate and catch up on everything. We spent this weekend doing almost absolutely nothing. It was wonderful and relaxing, but not nearly long enough, and I didn’t do any reading or writing or anything, so I did a lot more of the recuperating than the catch-upping. I’m hoping to have a little more downtime over the coming weeks to spend on my own stuff. If nothing else, Erin is going home for almost a week for Thanksgiving, so that will give me a chance to catch up with local friends I haven’t seen much of and maybe do some reading.

Or maybe I’ll just lie around for a few more days. That’s been pretty nice, and it’s been so long since I’ve been able to get away with it that I almost want to do it as long as I can.

Me: I just slept for thirteen hours!

Roommate: That is awesome!

Me: It was!

Roommate: You’re just in time for kickoff!

Me: THAT is awesome!

I’ve always liked fall. I’m especially glad it’s finally arriving this year - I can’t even remember a time when it wasn’t hot as hell outside. It’s time to get some apple cider and a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks and watch some football.

The other good news is that I’m feeling a lot better than I was a couple days ago. I woke up Tuesday with what sounded like a smoker’s cough, but turned into nausea, dizziness, and a gnarly headache by the time I was ready for work. I slept all day Tuesday and went to to the doctor Wednesday to find out I had a bronchial infection. Spent most of the week in bed, because I’d get dizzy any time I was upright. It was Friday afternoon before I finally started feeling like I could get out of bed for more than an hour at a time, and I’m still not back to normal. I went into the office yesterday to try to catch up a bit, but I only made it a couple hours before I started to feel like crap.

So that sucks. I’m going to try to get some stuff done this afternoon while I’m watching football, and hopefully I’ll be able to make it through a full day tomorrow.

Well hello there Internet. I haven’t had much time or desire for blogging or Internetting lately. Work is still kicking my ass, but things outside of work have been pretty great. I’m going back to San Francisco in a couple weeks for work again, then out to Vegas for the last week of October, and then I’m hoping to take a week or two off because I need it.

I haven’t had much time for the Internet lately, which is disappointing because I had grown so fond of it.

I’m still working a lot, but less so than a few weeks ago. In general, it’s all a lot better than it was a few weeks ago, and it looks like things will be even more better in a few more weeks. Relieving, that.

Things have felt very Once In A Lifetime lately. I’ve been in my new apartment for over a month, but it doesn’t feel like home, and I’m not convinced it ever will; it’s like I’m just staying here while I’m in between places. Work hasn’t felt like my job, but just the thing I’m doing for now, because it needed to be done and I was standing there at the time. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to be doing, but it’s a very odd feeling, and a little too existential for my taste. I just know that exciting and important things are happening all around me, and I just continue trudging ahead with my boring life.

I don’t have an iPhone, and that makes me sad.

I DO have a cold, in July, which also makes me sad. I mean really, who gets a cold in July? Kids these days.

I’m pretty sure that tomorrow marks 12 weeks without a cigarette, and at some point in those three months, I became that asshole that accosts smokers to remind them it’s bad for their insides. What’s happened to me?

Oh yeah, this week was pretty great. I spent most of the Fourth sleeping; I felt like crap in the morning and slept till 3 - right through Jym and Mel’s BBQ - but I felt a hell of a lot better because of it, and made it to Schmitty’s BBQ. And this past weekend was OATS, which was, without a doubt, the best bluegrass festival I’ve been to yet. There were some folks who couldn’t make it, and they were missed sorely, but I got to hang out with some of my favorite people, and Casey and Matt came down from Boston on Saturday. It was a blast.

So I suppose I’m trudging ahead with my boring life, but every now and then it’s fifteen shades of superfly, so it works out OK.

I can’t believe Daniel Tosh re-used so many jokes from his Comedy Central Presents show in his Completely Serious show. Doesn’t make him any less hilarious, though.

I’m 23 and my hair is thinning, significantly. I am equal parts depressed and intrigued. Depressed because I’m only 23, but intrigued because I think I might look good with a shaved head.

I sure to enjoy beer. Also, rum.

I’ve been living in the city for three weeks now. I really like it so far, mostly because I can walk to a lot of stuff. I’m sort of in between everything: Metro Center (is that considered downtown?), Chinatown, Dupont Circle, U Street - it’s all within ten or twelve blocks. I’m hoping to get a bike before too long, to save some walkin’ time. Paying to Metro to work kinda sucks, but it’s not bad. And, my place is quite a bit smaller, so I was forced to get rid of a bunch of crap I didn’t need. A win on all fronts, really.

Is Condoleezza not running for president like everyone thought she would? I’m OK with that. And isn’t Cheney due for another heart attack by now?

A while back, there was a study that more Americans were willing to elect a president who was Mormon, homosexual, Muslim, black, or female than atheist. I am equal parts elated and depressed. Elated because a lot of people are willing to vote for minorities, but depressed because people are still so ignorant to believe that atheists are somehow bad.

Against Me, Gogol Bordello, and Smashing Pumpkins are all releasing albums on July 10. It’s almost good enough to take a vacation day for.

I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.

I really can’t remember the last weekend I had to myself to enjoy. Last weekend, I drove up to Buffalo for a wedding. The weekend before that, I was moving. The two weekends before that were spent working in my SF hotel room.

Yesterday, I got up around 11, met the guy who (finally) took away the monitor I had been trying to get rid of, spent a few hours at work, finished a book, and fell asleep. A pretty full day, you might say, until I tell you that I fell asleep at 8:30, leaving less than 10 hours that I was actually up and doing anything. Today, I woke up pretty early, dropped off stuff at Goodwill, and I’ve spent most of the day working again. Right now, I’m taking a break to clear my head, because I’m still not done with everything that needs to be finished tomorrow morning. If I had my way, I’d probably just go to bed now, because even after sleeping about 12 hours last night, I’m still exhausted.

I guess it wasn’t a total waste of a weekend. I did get rid of some stuff that was cluttering the place up, and I did catch up on some sleep that I sorely needed, but I still just want a weekend with no obligations. This Friday afternoon “we need this Monday morning” shit needs to go.

(PS: When I titled this Another Wasted Weekend, I don’t mean to imply that going home for Bill’s wedding last weekend was a waste, because it wasn’t, and I had a lovely time.)

I need to make more time for books. So far in 2007, I’ve only finished seven books, and one of them (the hilarious The Pirates! In An Adventure With The Communists) only took an afternoon. I’ve got two more in the works now, but a quick glance over my book list for the past year and a half shows that my time for reading lately has been woefully inadequate. It doesn’t seem so long ago that I was splayed out on the couch with Everything Is Illuminated or any one of David Sedaris’ books, but I read those in my old-old apartment - the one I moved out of last May. I’ve read so little since then that they’re still relatively fresh in my mind.

I keep hoping that things will calm down soon and I’ll have more free time. I’m back from two weeks in SF, moved into a new apartment, spent this weekend in Buffalo for my buddy Bill’s wedding, and I’ve already spent 35 hours in the office this week. I’ve barely touched my news reader since I left for SF almost a month ago, so I’ve got thousands of blog posts and news items waiting for my attention. There are still a few boxes I haven’t unpacked because I need to get rid of other stuff to make room for them. I got a USB hard drive to store all my crap, but I haven’t even plugged it in yet because there’s a monitor (which also needs to go) on the table I’m going to use for my computer, and I haven’t had any time to fiddle with it yet anyway. The MacBook I got last week (which I LOVE, incidentally) has some 80 GB of crap from my old laptop and desktop sitting in the Documents directory, waiting to be sorted and backed up as necessary. I still haven’t really grocery-shopped since I moved over a week ago, except for a quick trip to grab milk, eggs, apples, and some frozen dinners. I haven’t had time for SNFC - the local chapter I so wanted to start - in a full month, and probably won’t this week either.

And, of course, there’s about 20 books on my book shelf that were purchased in more leisurely times, when their chances of being read were as high as 1 in 6. This one especially bugs me because of the money I’ve invested in my collection and the effort that’s gone into moving all of them from apartment to apartment. That shit’s heavy, yo.

My bowling ball/baby/shark situation has surpassed, “Just get through this quarter,” and I’m not really sure what comes after that. Semi-year? Either way, I just keep chugging along, and hope the train stops before the wheels come off.

My two weeks in San Francisco were not as exciting as I’d hoped, because I was working most of my waking hours. Even so, I had a good time, saw friends from college, and managed to meet some cool people. A quick summary:

• Met “the most helpful hobo in San Francisco!” as soon as I got off the BART. He suggested it would be easier to catch a cab at a nearby hotel, so I gave him two dollars.
• Met a bartender who saw my Street Dogs shirt and told me to catch Damon and the Heathens while I was in town. I looked them up on MySpace, but they didn’t have any shows listed.
• Spent my first Saturday in town on Ryan and Sarah’s laptop, doing work, chatting about life, and drinking fancy beer. Then we ate a boat load of sushi, and went to a farmer’s market and ate lamb naan wraps (delicious).
• Did dinner and drinks with Brady
• Met Wayne, a father of two and a fisherman. He’s from Alaska and used to fish for King Crab there - he even trained one of the skippers on Deadliest Catch. Not long ago, he walked from Alaska to San Francisco, and has won a number of flat-track motorcycle races in California, and several snow machine races in Alaska. His children are grown - a girl who earned her Master’s at 21 and a boy who’s still in college and “knee-deep in pussy.” His wife was as tough as a sailor and as beautiful as a model, until her death a few years ago. I’m still not sure if he’s lived an incredible life, or just really good at making shit up.
• Tried to rent a motorcycle, but it was broke.
• Had dinner with several CSHers and an old Tech Crew buddy in Tenderloin. Dinner was so-so, neighborhood was sketchy, but we had fun and got gelatto after.
• Finally found Bushman on Sunday. Ate lunch at a table on the sidewalk across the street and watched him scare the crap out of tourists.
• Saw the sea lions. There’s a lot of them, and they’re noisy.
• Met Darwin Coon, one of the last inmates to leave Alcatraz when it closed. He’s a regular at this awesome little bar in North Point. They sell his book; I bought a copy. He told me the story about the time he and a buddy stole a truckload of tires right after World War II, when they cost a fortune. His buddy broke his leg when he forgot to tie off the rope before lowering himself through the two-story high skylight, and the tires wound up on police cars (not because they got caught, because the cops bought them).
• Got drinks with some folks from the company I was working for, and learned that they’re all a lot of fun to hang out with.
• Sat next to a cute indie chick for my flight from San Francisco to St. Louis.
• Finish Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke on the flight. Wasn’t impressed.

And now, I’m back in DC and moved into a new apartment. More on that later.

Barely feels like home, though, since Jym and Mel are mostly moved out. It sort of feels like my last apartment did just as I started moving in - random crap strewn about, some half-packed boxes, and no clear idea where the dishes are, or if there are dishes.

I’ve been back less than half an hour, but already I’ve ordered a pizza, took pictures of a few things I’m trying to sell on Craigslist, packed up some books, and threw out some stuff. This move has to happen pretty quickly, so I’m going to force myself to part with disposables: that $14 coffee machine I haven’t used in four months? Gone. Half-empty boxes of cereal? Gone. Pretty much any other food I find? Gone. DVD player I thought I could fix? Gone. I need to simplify my material life.

If you’re ever feeling just a little too special, take a couple minutes to imagine the unfathomable size of the universe, the sheer enormity of its history, and your quaint, insignificant little place in the here and now.

Have you ever really thought about the history of just the Earth? Whether you believe in a god or not (we all know I don’t), I think we can all agree that Earth is a lot older than six thousand years. We know that human-like beings roamed the Earth millions of years ago, and we know that our recorded history only goes back a few thousand years (excellent article on this). Before that, before humans even came on the scene, there were billions of years of evolution from a single cell, to a tiny bug, to a little fish, up to giant dinosaurs, and back down to primates. Have you ever considered the incredible series of luck and chance that allowed this line of evolution to happen (this is where you God-fearing folks can chime in)? At some points during our evolution, a strong wind could have snuffed it out. Billions of years of tiny genetic changes, and we’re poised to boil it to death in the course of a few meager generations.

And this is just the evolution on our planet. How much existed before our planet, and for how long? I’ve always held the belief that there is other life Out There, that there must be - I don’t buy into the “God made us in his image” crap, and with the seemingly limitless supply of planets out there, surely one of them has birthed an intelligent species of its own, or is in the process thereof. But when you consider the incredible odds against that one cell becoming a functional, sentient being, you really have to wonder. But, infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters…

Consider your place among the six billion people on Earth today. Consider the place of those six billion people among the millions of years of human life that preceded them. Consider the billions of years of toil and luck that got us even that far. Consider the countless other planets hosting their own version of this time line. Consider the immeasurable period of time before those planets even existed. Consider this against the comparable nothingness of our race’s recorded history. Just how special do you think you really are?

Now, consider the insignificant minutiae that seems so important in your daily life. Is it really worth the effort to get pissed at the slow driver that got you stuck at the red light? Does it really matter that much if the barista messed up your latte? Do you really have to put off playing with the kids so you can get those taxes filed? Probably not.